Laughter is as radical as any form of warfare. This article is for you J.B.

Welcome to the AllPointsHealth family! Founded two years ago to meet the growing demand for quality chemotherapy treatment, AllPointsHealth is single-mindedly committed to your health and well-being. We strive to create a welcoming, safe, and completely transparent healthcare experience for you, your family, and your accountant. 

No one wants to hear they have cancer, but you don’t have to take this journey alone. We are fully aware that your life depends on this treatment, and we will be there every step of the way. We know from experience that this is an incredibly stressful time, and that you have a lot of questions. If you don’t find the answers you are looking for in this guide, just give us a call at 1-555-DOLLARS. Our experienced customer service associates will be happy to help you in any way they can.***

Treatment Basics:

For just $6,617.00 per monthly visit (only $79,404/year), each course of treatment includes a full dose of whatever chemotherapy agent/s your doctor has prescribed, and lasts between 4 and 6 hours. Your entire care team has received specialized training in oncology, and is laser focused on your well-being. Relax in a comfortable, high-backed, leather reclining seat during treatment. Free extras include one metal folding chair for an attending family member, snacks (peanut butter crackers, water, and juice), two blankets, and overhead lighting.

À La Carte Services:

  • Wi-Fi ($29.99): We understand that 4+ hours is a long time to be disconnected from family and friends, and that is why we offer Wi-Fi access to each and every patient at an affordable rate.
  • Lunch ($18.75): We offer a full range of pre-made sandwiches: Roast beef and cheese, ham and cheese, BLT, veggie, and more. Includes a small beverage of your choice (8 oz.).
  • Decorative privacy curtain ($32.25): If you would like a little privacy during treatment, we can hang a special curtain around your recliner. Choose from 10 different motifs, including Grand Canyon, Ocean Waves, Statue of Liberty, Garden of Eden, Reclining Nudes, Thirsty Firefighters, and more.
  • Miscellaneous: Extra blankets ($5.99 each), donated reading materials ($9.99), white noise machine ($28.99), ice chips ($2.99), and bottled water ($4.99).

***If you encounter any language barriers with our Philippines-based customer service team, no worries; just hang up, call back, and a different associate will answer.

Copyright 2023 Kesel Wilson (entirely, 100% human-created)

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