This is all a joke!

Available for Trade

I have 20 mostly hardcover Deepak Chopra books I would like to trade for a coconut cream pie. Email me to coordinate a handoff.

Clown for Hire

Experienced clown, adept at the art of both laughing and crying, available for hire. Available to entertain your friends, family, and even your enemies, at gatherings both large and small. Guaranteed laughter at my expense. Services include stand-up comedy, juggling, face painting, and much, much more. To lock in a day and time, simply email me.

On the Market

I am offering a generous finder’s fee to anyone who sets me up on a blind date that successfully leads to marriage. Willing to settle for 2nd date in lieu of marriage. I am smart, funny, physically fit, financially stable, and have excellent skills in the kitchen, lol. Email me, or find me on my morning walk.

Lost and Found

Small pile of two-dollar bills found on a local and scenic riverside trail, as well as a hand-drawn treasure map with three locations marked “X.” Email me for more information.

Cleaning Services

Extreme cleaning only. Leave the weekly fluff-and-puff to the professionals. Bring me in for the kitchen that hasn’t been cleaned in decades or the back room that your hoarder Uncle lived (and died) in. $50/hour with a smile.

Writing Services

For those who like to be prepared for every situation, I will write you a series of witty jokes and comebacks for the workplace, home, and church. $10 per joke.

Bonfire Services

Will come to your property weekly and gather brush to feed your bonfire. I gather twigs, downed branches, fallen trees, and discarded furniture from your yard for your weekend fire pit parties. $25/hour, plus $1 per tick.

Encouragement Services

I will slowly and clearly explain to you the silver lining of every situation in your life, no matter how negative you insist on being. Free.

Organizing Services

Will make order out of chaos, separating items into like categories, and arranging them by value, use, size, shape, and/or color. The more disorganized, the better! If you want to watch, it costs more. From $25 to 35/hour.

Copyright 2023 Kesel Wilson (entirely, 100% human-created)

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